Battle of the Jessicas: Alba vs. Biel : Movie Stars

[TizzyWinkle2]

While looking around for people who aren't Hilary Duff, I realized too that I'm completely confused about which is Jessica Alba and which is Jessica Biel. Two women of almost exactly the same age, both named Jessica with four-letter last names, both of them beautiful light-haired starlets...can you blame me?

I say we put them in a cage match and let them battle it out. Pay-per-view.

Even if they don't let us do that (you know, for insurance reasons) we can have them battle it out in other ways.

Battle of the Jessicas!

BREAKTHROUGH ROLE

Alba: As a genetically-engineered supersoldier in the TV series "Dark Angel."
Biel: As one of those irritating Camdens in "Seventh Heaven."

Advantage: Alba. This one's a no-brainer. Hmm, let's see...kick-ass superwoman, or whiny preacher's kid? Hey, she couldn't WAIT to get free of this treacly crap, so why should we give her any awesomeness points?

SUPERHERO ASPIRATIONS

Alba: Played the Invisible Woman in both the Fantastic Four movies.
Biel: Played a vampire hunter in "Blade: Trinity"

Advantage: Biel. This one's kind of a tossup. Both the F4 films were pretty heinous. Then again, so was Blade:Trinity. So I'm just going on the basis that vampires are inherently cooler, and Alba had to wear a dorky blue unitard and had unflatteringly bleach-blond hair in the second Four film. She also looks like she's trying to act while sucking on lemon drops, whereas Biel was kind of cool in Blade.

INDIE CRED PROJECTS

Alba: "Sin City"
Biel: "The Illusionist"

Advantage: Biel. I'm gonna get reamed for this one because so many movie geeks love Sin City. I HATED Sin City with a fiery burning passion, and Alba's character was a misogynistic stereotype, which admittedly isn't her fault, but I can still be irrational and blame her for it. I liked Illusionist better, and actually thought Biel was pretty good in it.

HIGH-VISIBILITY FLOPS

Alba: Into the Blue. Not even Paul Walker's abs could save this lame adventure.
Biel: Stealth. Famously scored only 5% at Rotten Tomatoes.

Advantage: Alba. Yeah, it was a flop, but it wasn't given as much of a buildup as Stealth was, and Stealth's sheer magnitude of flophood is impossible to overcome for Biel.

SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

Alba: Cash Warren
Biel: Justin Timberlake

Advantage: Biel. Duh.

FORMER BOYFRIENDS

Alba: Michael Weatherly, and uh...um...
Biel: Chris Evans, Derek Jeter

Advantage: Biel Hmm, Chris Evans was in Fantastic Four with Jessica Alba. Which is interesting in a six-degrees kind of way, which is to say not interesting in the slightest.

SCANDAL!

Alba: Dating her costar Michael Weatherly when she was 19 and he was 31.
Biel: Posting nekkid when she was 17.

Advantage: Well, depends...does the advantage to the one with the worse scandal, or the one that isn't as bad? These are both pretty mild as scandals go. Call it a draw.

THE ROMANTIC-COMEDY TRENCHES

Alba: Good Luck, Chuck
Biel: I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Advantage: Biel. Hey, they both have the name Chuck in the title! But anyway, Chuck & Larry was a bigger hit, even if it was dumb and offensive.

"HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS IN THAT!"

Alba: Idle Hands
Biel: Rules of Attraction

Advantage: Alba. Idle Hands = cult classic! Plus it has Seth Green! Awesome!

BUT WHAT DOES MAXIM MAGAZINE THINK?

Alba: #2 on 2007 Top 100 Sexiest Women
Biel: #5 on 2007 Top 100 Sexiest Women

Advantage: Alba

BABY ON BOARD

Alba: one in the oven
Biel: none so far

Advantage: Alba

So...totaling up our contest categories here, we have...a tie! Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel end in a draw, 6 to 6, on general awesomeness.

So the next time you get them mixed up, don't feel so bad. In fact, I'm not totally convinced they aren't the same person now.

[retno]

I thought its big different both of them.....alba more sexy than biel

[joel]

I thought its big different both of them.....alba more sexy than biel

For me its no chooise alba

[monsue]

I think Alba is the cutest and Biel has the better body.

[darcyjohnperkins]

You're forgetting that Alba is hotter, prettier and has a better body. Alba > Biel

[choagin]

Biel can't compete with Alba. Alba is in a whole other league than Biel.

As for superhero roles, are you sure that Dark Angel doesn't qualify as a superhero as well? In which case, I must say that Alba's Dark Angel trumps Biel's Blade. Besides which, Alba had a much more challenging buildup to compete with as Sue Richards because of the massive background and history of the Fantastic Four vs. some almost nameless vampire hunter brought in as a background character, playing second string to Blade?

As a currency, one Alba is worth something like 385 Biels.

And I'd stake an Alba on that assessment!

[rob332]

I think as a bad actress, Jessica Alba is a lot better than Jessica Biel. I think Alba's role in Sin City sort of showed us that she has acting chops. I don't think Jessica Biel is in the same ballpark.

[nocturnal]

i think jessica alba is the much prettier, hotter, and sexier one. i've seen jessica biel transform from her role as mary camden to the star that she is now but still there's something that's missing..

[Niltusk]

The decision is too hard to make. I'd like to try each one out a couple nights and make a fully informed decision.